Thank You, India

Hello and greetings from Dharamsala, India where I am about to start my 10 day, silent meditation retreat at Z Meditation. I am so excited for this retreat and have been looking forward to it for months. I have always wanted to meditate, but each time I have tried by myself my mind is all over the place and I get frustrated and end up bagging it within a few minutes. One exercise Z Meditation recommends you try to get a sense of the restlessness of your mind is to inhale and think “Om” and then exhale and count down from 100.

So that’s inhale “Om”, Exhale “100”

Inhale “Om”, Exhale “99”

OK, I think you get the picture. When your mind shifts to some kind of random thought, stop yourself and start over again. Try it out and see what you discover. If you are anything like me you’re average will be somewhere around 96 - 98. In fact, I think my best was only 91. Wow! Not very impressive, Tiff.

In addition to learning how to still my mind, I wanted to learn more about being present. For years I had been hearing about the need to be present and mindful, but I’m not sure that I ever really understood what that meant. I mean, I’m not a total idiot. I do understand the concept of being present, but I wasn’t sure how to really tap into it.

I arrived a day early to catch up on some rest after back to back tours through Egypt, Jordan, and Morocco. The last thing I wanted to do was pass out while I was supposed to be meditating. I slept like a little baby and woke up to a delicious breakfast of hot cereal, dried fruit, and nuts. Yummy to my tummy!

A lovely lady from Delhi was also attending the retreat and invited me to join her on a little field trip to Tsuklakhang Temple, which is the residence, monastery, and temple of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Amazing!!! We hopped into a jeep jam packed full of locals and within a few minutes we were at the temple. I can’t describe how special it felt to be there. I have visited a lot of temples during my travels throughout Asia, but this place just had such a peaceful and warm energy emanating from it. I felt so lucky to be there. Here are a few pics from in and around the temple.

We arrived back at Z Meditation with about an hour to spare before meeting the rest of the folks on our retreat. I took the opportunity to write in my journal, something I sadly suck at doing on a regular basis, but manage to attend to every now and then, expressing my sincere hope that this retreat will help provide me with direction about what I want to do after this experience comes to a close. It’s actually been on my mind quite a bit lately and stresses me out every time I think about it, but since I’m not independently wealthy and cannot continue this adventure forever, I must start thinking thoughtfully about what comes next. Ugh!

Before we meet the group, how about I give you a tour of my home for the next 10 days. This is the view from the terrace right outside my door. Hello gorgeous! Talk about inspiring!!!

This is the terrace outside my bedroom.  Those windows lead into my room.  Talk about a sweet location! 

These are the stairs leading up to the rooftop, one of my favorite spots at Z Meditation. I made a point of being up here at least once per day.

And here is the spectacular view from the rooftop!

 

This is the library, which had tons of inspirational and interesting books for us to read during our stay.

This is the meditation hall where we spent most of our time. My seat is the first one on the right, closest to the wall.

Here’s a view from the other side. You can see the yoga mats where we did our afternoon practice. My spot was on the back row, far right, closest to the window.

Of course you know Ganesh, the remover of obstacles, was there to help still our restless minds.

And this is the area where we’d clean our dishes after our meals.

Ok, now that you’ve got a lay of the land, let’s meet the rest of the group, which consisted of 5 travelers from the Czech Republic: Petr (the leader of the pack and translator), Dasha, Marek, & Roman (a mother and 2 of her sons), and Blanca (a lovely lady with a beautiful smile). Everyone was extremely friendly and I immediately got a wonderful vibe about the people and this experience. Suruchi, one of our hosts, welcomed us all and gave us the daily schedule along with some ground rules. We were given a chance to ask any questions we might have about the retreat and then the silence began. Fingers crossed that I can keep the silence. Even if you’ve never met me, you can probably tell from my posts that sister likes to talk her face off!

Here’s our daily schedule:

7:00 -8:30 AM Meditation Philosophy and Practice

Ajay, our other host, introduced us to the Deep Deconditioning Inquiry, a system for getting in touch with the deep and sometimes hidden emotions and feelings behind our “thoughting.” Thoughting is involuntary and consists of the random, mostly incoherent thoughts that run through our minds daily, frequently creating relationships that do not exist.

He taught us that in order to meditate we need to snap ourselves out of these daydreams and learn how to be aware, be present. Oh goody, learning how to be present. Bring it, Ajay!

An easy example that Ajay provided of how to do the inquiry involved this couple named Susan and Martin. Martin was supposed to remember to pack the soap for the meditation retreat, but he forgot and Susan was pissed. Each time Susan would attempt to meditate, her feelings related to Martin’s disorganization would invade her mind.

So, let’s apply the inquiry to the Susan/Martin example. Each time thoughting disturbs your mind (ex: I am annoyed that Martin forgot to pack the soap), ask yourself a series of questions to help you realize that what you were daydreaming about is not relevant, useful or conducive to peace in this moment. It is important to remember that this moment is the only reality. What happened in the past cannot be changed and what’s going to happen in the future is out of our control. Nature is in the driver’s seat as far as the future is concerned so there is no need wasting time now, fretting about what will be. What is, is and what will be, will be.

Live in the now and accept it fully. When you eat, eat and when you walk, walk. How simple, right? It’s easier said than done, but it’s something that you can continually remind yourself to do when you notice your mind drifting off.

Further, you are to identify the likes and dislikes represented in the thought (ex: I like when people are organized) and then dig deeper to see what other consequential feelings resulted from these likes and dislikes (when people are disorganized I feel anxious and annoyed). Then you are to think about the incompleteness equation that exists (I + hyper organization = completeness). The answer to this and all other equations that include something external as being the ticket to your happiness/completeness is always NO!! The correct equation is I = Completeness or I = C. After breaking down the incompleteness equation, you must discover what conditionings that you have received since birth that lead to the wrong thinking (ex: people should be organized and considerate). If you think this is right, you are wrong, pal! Time to change your thinking.

Finally, after identifying all the various factors involved in these incorrect thoughts, you are to flip the conditioning around (I accept people as they are) and internalize the correct response.

I‘m not sure if all of this makes sense to you or not, but I can tell you after 10 days of intensive explanation, examination, and practice it opened my eyes to an entirely new way of thinking and I was actually able to meditate for the first time in my life. Of course, I spent a lot of time doing the inquiry, but that’s OK, because it’s really helpful to see the kinds of things that consume your thoughts and keep you from realizing your best self.

8:30 - 9:30 AM Meditation Practice/Profound Assignment

After Ajay’s lesson we’d meet with Suruchi to meditate and practice what we learned in the earlier class and then we’d be given a writing assignment for deep contemplation. I loved the writing assignments because they really made you think about things and put them into words.

9:30 - 10:30 AM Eating Meditation

This was actually kind of hard for me. Like the other members of my family, I love to eat and I shovel it down my throat at the speed of light. There is zero time for reflection or even awareness about what I’m eating. Usually when I’m eating, I’m combining it with a million other things such as watching TV, talking on the phone or with my dinner colleagues, messing around on the computer, etc. I rarely pay any attention to the act of eating.

I have to confess that I’m not sure if I really got the eating meditation down. I’d create taste tests and contests for myself,

What is this fruit that I am eating? Do I like the yellow one or the green one better? Yep, I definitely prefer yellow, but I think they are the same fruit and the yellow one is more ripe.

or, as I was eating my peanut butter coated toast, I would be thinking things in the voices of cartoon characters like Homer Simpson,

mmm…melty, gooey deliciousness.

And sometimes, I’d think stupid things like

I’ve never really noticed an almond before. It’s actually quite pretty with these striations. If I was going to draw an almond, I would have just drawn a brown oval. Now I will know to add the lines.

Yeah, probably not what Ajay and Suruchi had in mind, but at least I was thinking about the food, right? A few days into the retreat, Suruchi reminded us to chew properly, gulp our liquids slowly, to eat mindfully, being aware of the taste, to eat with gratitude and thankfulness, and to just enjoy the experience. I’ve got some work to do in this department, but we’re all works in progress, right?

9:30 - 10:30 AM The Shower of Love

Yep, this is a shower. I’d generally take my shower after the creative meditation or after nap time later in the day before yoga so during this time I’d frequently sit out on the terrace and enjoy the beautiful scenery.

11:30 AM - 1:00 PM Creative Meditation

Each day we were given a topic and asked to contemplate it and then turn it into art. As I think I mentioned before, drawing is not really my forte, and that’s being extremely diplomatic. See what I mean…hopeless!

That which is inevitable does not disturb me. 

Everybody is acting impulsively.  I don’t take anything personally. 

May I be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

That black blob in the bottom left box is a brain.  Nice!  I realize my drawings are very literal and make me seem like such a simpleton, but as you can see my drawing ability is extremely limited, not advancing much past 1st grade when little kids draw their teachers pictures of rainbows, so I’ve gotta work with what I’ve got here, folks. 

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.

I’m getting better here.  Notice the shading of my hair to include both blonde and brown.  Go Tiff! 

OK, I won’t subject you to any more of my brutal visual representations.  I’m sure Ajay and Suruchi had to share some laughs each time they reviewed my “masterpieces.” 

1:00 - 2:00 PM Eating Meditation

2:00 - 4:00 PM Siesta/Study

All that meditating actually wears one out. I was thrilled to have time for a nap. Some days I’d have time for a walk as well, which was always great.

Here’s a picture of the center.  What an inspiring place to be! 

On one of my walks these adorable little kids kept riding past me and finally got up the courage to talk to me and ask me my name. Not wanting to break the silence, I did some jacked up gesticulating to try to convey that I couldn’t talk. They looked at me like I was a total freak and biked away. Oh well. Whatevs, I kept the silence. Way to go, Tiff. You are awesome! Woo Hoo!!!

I have to admit that on the 8^thday of the retreat I did cheat a bit and break the silence on a walk with one of my fellow retreaters. I know, I know, but I’m still pumped that I made it 8 days. Cut me some slack, I’m a work in progress.

4:00 - 6:00 PM Meditative Yoga

I loved this part of the day. As you know from earlier posts, I have done some yoga and really enjoy it. This yoga was very relaxed, focusing on breathing and paying attention to your breath. We did do some asanas, but nothing too hard core. That’s probably better for me too since my back is still a bit jiggidy jacked from when I messed it up in the States.

Petr sat across from me during yoga and we’d occasionally make faces at each other during some of the poses. Apparently I don’t just draw like a 6 year old, but I have the maturity level of one as well. I was generally able to keep my cool, but one day when we were doing the finger stretching exercise Petr surprised me by flicking me off, which sent me into a spiral of laughter. I don’t know why I found it so funny, but I just wasn’t expecting it at all. It just seemed so out of place in this peaceful, calm, and serene environment where we are being aware of our breath and mindful of the way our body is stretching. I couldn’t reign it in for a few minutes. Ever since I was a little girl I have had a hard time reigning in my laughter once it gets going in settings where laughter is totally and completely inappropriate. I teetered on the edge of composure for the rest of the class, keeping my eyes closed for fear of another outburst. Yikes, pull it together, Tiff!

6:00 - 6:30 PM Drinking Light

This was a little snack and some kind of tea or juice. After the snack, I’d zip out to the terrace or the roof to take in the sunset. We had some amazing sunsets here. Check out the various sunsets I saw over the course of 10 days. Hello, gorgeous!

One of the most beautiful sunsets was on my mother’s birthday, October 1^st. I was really happy to be in this loving and peaceful setting on this day. While I cannot pretend that I wasn’t sad, I was in a healthier frame of mind than I was this time last year. I felt my mom’s presence with me as I looked out into the sky and my heart was filled with love.

These are my buds, Petr and Marek.

We’d frequently meet up on the roof to enjoy the sunset and sometimes goof off before the PM meditation class.

Is laughing out loud allowed during a silent mediation retreat? If not, then we are guilty of breaking the silence here yet again. As they say in Czech, saratchka!

6:30 - 8:00 PM Meditation Philosophy, Practice, and Q/A

This is similar to the 7 AM class. In addition to the inquiry, Ajay taught us 6 mantras that help our mind reside in the truth during meditation. The mantras are absolute truths that can be verified by anyone, anytime. When you say the mantra in your mind, you are to contemplate the meaning and integrate it into your life. If thoughting occurs, you are to stop and do the inquiry. They really work! Once we started to introduce the mantras into our meditations, I was actually able to be fully present with a still mind for a few minutes at a time. Of course, my mind would wander sometimes, frequently from me enthusiastically thinking to myself “you‘re doing it, Tiff. You‘re meditating. You go, girl,” but after checking myself or breaking it down through the inquiry, I could bring myself back to the moment. It was amazing!

8:00 - 8:45 PM Eating Mediation

The food here was scrumptious! I always looked forward to the eating meditation even if I sucked at the actual meditation part.

3 cheers for our lovely chef!!!

8:45 - 9:15 PM Story Time

During this time Suruchi would read us inspirational excerpts from the great masters. It was always insightful and a relaxing way to unwind.

9:15 - 10:00 PM My Life Meditation - Profound Assignment

This was another writing assignment where we’d explore a particular topic and relate it to our lives. As I mentioned earlier, I loved these writing exercises. When you are forced to write something down you really explore what’s going on in your head.

10:00 PM Yogic Sleep

I rarely went to bed at 10 because every night I was out on the terrace outside my room gazing up at the stars. Man, there are a few things I never tire of seeing and a vast, starry sky is one of them. Sunsets are another, which you’ve probably figured out by now given the hundreds of sunset shots I’ve featured in this blog over the past year.

The 10 day retreat flew by and before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye (insert tears). Here is a picture of our posse and our wonderful, inspiring, and patient teachers, Ajay and Suruchi.

Thank you for a wonderful, eye-opening and amazing experience. I feel like I have learned an entirely new way of thinking that will benefit me for the rest of my life. The Z Meditation approach to meditation is so clear and easy to understand. I am filled with overwhelming gratitude and appreciation for the invaluable knowledge and right understanding I have received over the past 10 days and I truly cannot believe how much I learned in such a short period of time. Thank you so much!

When I started planning my trip I knew I wanted to come to India and for some reason I selected February 14^th, Valentine’s Day, to come to India for the first time. I just had this feeling that I would find love in India. I never dreamt this love would be with myself. I=C. How very beautiful.

We all hugged about a million times and gushed about how amazing our experience was together. Despite the silence and some language barriers, I felt an intense and immediate camaraderie with everyone on this trip. I am so grateful for this experience. My heart is bursting with love.

My new Czech friends were continuing on to Mcleod Ganj to do some hiking and catch one of the Dalai Lama’s teachings at the temple where I visited the first day. They invited me to come along with them so you know I jumped at the chance. Seeing the Dalai Lama in person at his home in Dharamsala following this beautiful and life changing experience at Z Meditation, count me in for sure!!!

We started with a visit to Chamunda. To get there we walked along this beautiful path right outside the center and then picked up a bus to the actual temple.

And here are some pics from Chamunda.

After visiting the temple we took a cab back to Z Mediation, grabbed our bags and said one last goodbye to Suruchi and headed off to Mcleod Ganj. The next morning we had the most delicious breakfast on the rooftop at Carpe Diem. What a fabulous name for a breakfast joint! The staff there is so nice and the setting is incredible.

After stuffing our faces we shot over to the Tsuklakhang Temple where we heard the Dalai Lama give one of his teachings and then later waved to him as he was whisked away in a car. Could someone pinch me please because I can’t believe this is really happening. How amazing, wonderful and special! I am floating on air!

Later that day we went to see the personal physician to the Dalai Lama for some general health tips. He would determine your Rx by placing 3 fingers on the inside of your wrist and asking you a series of questions. According to the Dr., my back injury wasn’t because I hurt my back, but because of weak kidneys. He gave me some all natural meds I could take to help my kidneys. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can mix these with my antimalarial meds, which I’ll start taking once I leave Himalayan India and continue with until I leave Africa in late January, but I can always take them after. Regardless it was really cool to be seen by the personal physician to the DL. The waiting room was filled with monks and tons of Tibetans. I loved it!

It was so fun spending all this time with my new Czech friends. They are the sweetest, most laid back, and friendly people. I adored my time with them and am so happy they invited me to join them.

The next day we took a lovely hike through the mountains on our way to visit the Tibetan Children’s Village (TCV).

What a wonderful day! Sadly, it was now time to say goodbye to my friends, as they needed to head back to Delhi and then back to the Czech Republic with an exception of Petr who was off to Nepal for some trekking. Goodbye, my friends. I love you and will never forget our special time together. I have no idea where I’m going to end up, but please know that my door is always open.

My friend, Amar, who I met on my tour of Rajasthan, is meeting me in a few days here in Dharamsala and we are going to travel around India for the next few weeks. Destination TBD, but rest assured it will be great!

Huge hugs! I love you, miss you, and will be in touch soon.